1) Stop eating food that could technically be classified as plastic.
(I’m looking at you, McDonald’s, you delicious devil.
2) Stop seeing dumb guys… as more than dumb guys.
I’m a sucker for a pretty face*, and I see nothing wrong with that at the moment.
At one point this year I found myself in my room, talking over philosophy post-pizzamaking with a guy when he looked at my bookshelf in what can only be described as awe.
“You have a lot of books,” said he (picture a blonde, blue-eyed Abercrombie model saying this in the voice of… i dunno… the brother from Everybody Loves Raymond.**
“That’s not even all of them,” said I (picture a short redheaded ever-eager to one-up herself, and kind of a douchebag.)
“What kind of books do you like? I’ve never heard of any of these,” said he.
Let me just provide a picture for reference.
“None… none of these?” said I, looking over the spines. Middlesex. The Lost City of Z. David Sedaris. Dorothy Parker. Charles Dickens.
Charles fucking Dickens.
Tom Wolfe. Virginia Woolf. Dostoevsky. A big-ass edition of Watchmen, of which I thought even the most heathen of non-readers had heard of because of that movie I still haven’t seen featuring those actors I couldn’t name if I had to…
“Wait, seriously??” I said, never one to just drop it, and honestly completely flabber-fucking-gasted by the ridiculousness. “You have never heard of any of those books? Don’t lie,” and I proceeded to list off, and detail, 3/4 of the shelf, to his slightly-confused mostly-annoyed face.
“I was a science major.” he said, and steered the conversation to less… involved territories.
And, ok, as fun as this activity– I mean, conversation, was– Ladies and gentleman, being a “science major” does not give you the right to not read A Tale of Two Cities for Christ’s Almighty’s sake.
Avoiding these sort of… uninterested… people is not my resolution. Because, again, he looked like an Abercrombie model. I mean, come on. I’m not a saint here, people.
My resolution is this: to not expect a mountain when I’m looking at a molehill.
A molehill who has never heard of Crime and Punishment. I mean, really, molehill? What the fuck were you doing in freshman year English? Being made of dirt? Housing moles??? How dare you.
3) Make a pie.
What can I say? Pushing Daisies got to me on a deep, spiritual level. Also I really like eating, and pies look really complicated, so gold stars are in order if it happens.
4) Learn new skills, try new things.
I’ll be making a post about the new skills and stuff I want to try in 2014, but basically I want to stretch my headstuff so it can do more lifestuff. For the funzies.
Since moving to Atlanta, I’ve been wanting to get out of it. No offense, ATL. I just think other places are cooler. But then again, I’ve never taken advantage of you. And while if we were in a relationship, that would be a good thing, I am a person and you are a city, and talking about you like this is dumb.
6) Read 50 Books.
Hey, I can’t be pretentious about reading if I don’t pull my own weight, right?
7) Be Here. Now.
Yeah. I stole this from Pinterest. Sue me, I dare you!***
Ok! I probably had more resolutions, but let’s be honest, I don’t want to fuck this up! So the less the merrier!
Happy 2014, guys! Have a mug of wine for me tonight! Or with me, I guess. Since I’m on my third one.
Catch up, losers.
*This is my theme song. Listen to it. The whole thing. You’re welcome.
**That is not what his voice sounded like, but that’s how the dumbness sounded in my head.
***dude, seriously, don’t sue me. I’m so poor. In fact, instead of suing me, you should send me your leftovers. Anything helps.
Unless it’s squash, then don’t even think about it.