MiniChannel: Mobile Games

MiniChannel is a segment where I roundup super-short reviews of 5 things I’ve tried out recently, from books to games to foods to My Little Pony episodes. ‘Cause who needs long thought-out reviews when you can read these little mindsnacks? NOBODY THAT’S WHO. Ratings are as follows: lowest to highest out of five:

1-NONONO

2-Pointless drivel

3- Meh. I may play this for a week or so, but if I need space I’ll delete this before any of my photo-editing apps.

4- I see you, mobile game. I will recommend to friends who play mobile games.

5- Holy mother of gaming gods, I would re-pay for this no matter how many times I switch platforms. I will judge anyone who doesn’t play it.

Today’s MiniChannel: Smartphone Games!

I’m a lover of smartphone and tablet gaming. What’s that, peanut gallery naysayers? “That’s not real gaming”? “Angry Birds is for old stupid people and toddlers?” “Gamer culture is being ruined by mindless tap and click screen games?”

Well you grumpy mcsadsacks, take it from someone who loves mobile gaming AND plays console and PC games: nobody cares about your opinion. As the reigning queen of trollbait TSwift says, haters gonna hatehatehatehatehate.

For the rest of you, welcome. This is the Oprah part of my post where I tell you you are wanted and important, and the world is better for your open mind.

Now that part is over, don’t expect it to ever return. On to the list!

1) Paint it Black:

paint-it-black-screenshot-970x568

Paint it black could be a fun puzzle game a la those grid logic puzzles from elementary school (ann has a green hat. dave has a green car but no hat. jill has no car and no hat. No one has a hat in the same color as their car. fill in the boxes with x’s to figure out who is driving jill to work) but the training is so long and boring and easy that i’m not sure anyone will get that far into the game before giving it up. However, when you DO get into it, it’s exactly like a slightly less satisfying version of those grid games, like that mixed with Sudoku.

Rating: Meh. 

Status: Deleted.

 

2) Farm Hero Saga

Farm-Heroes-Saga-Review

So as you can tell from the “Saga” part of this title, this is a game in the Candy Crush empire. Never having played Candy Crush, I’d always assumed

Status: Completely obsessed. (Level 38 at time of writing.)

 

3) Burger Shop

burger

P.S.For the curious critters among you, I have a crap iPhone 4 at the moment, so all games above are compatible with that iOS. I used to have a Kindle Fire (stolen) and am looking into getting a tablet in the future, definitely recommend your favorite devices and games for my mental pleasure.

4) Run Sackboy Run

TL;DR: Beautiful graphics, slightly too simplified gameplay. Would recommend for a child with a tablet, but for adults the replay value is limited.

Status: Deleted

P.P.S.

Also I’m trying to figure out a good rating system for these, drop any suggestions down below!

Ciao minibots,

Weatherly

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