It’s my birthday.

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I don’t like my birthday. I could probably trace it back to this dream I had when I was little where I was stuck behind a glass wall in a sewer, watching my dad on the other side giving my birthday cake to someone else.

But I won’t, because come on. I don’t even like cake that much. Instead I’ll trace it to this simple fact: I don’t want to get older. I don’t want to have another number that says I should have accomplished something by now. And I really, really don’t want to have to buy my own insurance (that’s 26, right? Please say that’s 26.)

Not to mention, my birthday falls on the eve of, I’ll say it, the most disappointing holiday of all time.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I actually really like that fact. I love that I get a headstart on New Year’s Resolutions– it’s a new year and a new me, literally! (Sort of literally? Literally has been used so much that I’m just going to throw it in there for emphasis and to imply something about cells regenerating or mental calendars or something.) I really love making resolutions, and buying new calendars, and cleaning out my house, and starting new plans, and in general the feeling of a fresh start. It’s just nice.

What I don’t love? That wretched parade of “let’s all go to a public place and kiss and pretend we’re having fun.” It was fun when I was younger, really. My family would all get together to watch fireworks, we would eat good food, and have cake, and then go downtown and walk around, fun for everyone. But the older I get, the more expectations are placed on New Year’s Eve being an absurd, huge, blowout party. And I LOVE parties, I do. I just don’t like everyone relying on me to plan them, or expecting my birthday to be their kickass new years.

This year is my first super-chill birthday in a long time. I’m at work right now, no class, just relaxing in my heated classroom digesting the cake my coworkers got for me. My principal is taking me out to lunch later (hopefully not all alone, that would be awkward as hell), and then after work a friend and I are going for dinner, then doing beers and bowling. Totally casual, totally not me being the center of attention and therefore the object of everyone’s disappointment when they aren’t surprised by a handsome stranger to be kissed at midnight. (Seriously, have you seen the faces of single people when the clock strikes 12 and everyone around them is kissing? It’s just sad.)

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Tomorrow (incredibly early) I’m taking a train to Busan to spend the weekend with two friends. Our plans? Bookshops, drinking, and SpaWorld. I haven’t been so excited for birthday plans in years.

So yeah. This post has very little point, except that I want to able to look back in a year (or five) and remember where I was when I turned 25 (27 in Korea. I hate their age system.) I have a feeling this year is going to be strange, but I’m hoping it will also be wonderful. I have 9 more months in my Korea contract, I have a Japan trip planned, I have a ton of things I want to write, and I still feel a little like a kid (I’m wearing a Pikachu hat as I type this), but I think that’s okay.

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Also, stay tuned for my “30 Before 30” list soon because eww I’m going to be 30 in 5 years who allowed that to happen?

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