Guys. I cooked something. It took more than a microwave. It had more than one vegetable. It’s healthy (I’m pretty sure?) And guess what.
I know. I, too, am totally stunned.
So let’s get into it. I started out wanting just something salty and filling. Honestly? I wanted a cheeseburger. And french fries, though that goes without saying. But unfortunately, the only cheeseburger within decent distance of my house is from Lotteria, the sad Korean equivalent to McDonald’s. Not only do I feel like a fat American every time I walk into Lotteria (which has only been twice in this entire 4 months, thank you vair much), the food is also, well, total garbage. And this is coming from someone who totally revels in the delicious wasteland that is McDonald’s, so you know shit’s sub-par.
So instead of drowning my feelings in whatever fast food substitute the grocery store had to offer, I decided to cook the groceries I had bought. And ya girl has been on a healthy streak. Well, at least, in theory. I often find myself buying loads of veggies and fruit, looking up Pinterest recipes and generally getting all kinds of excited, only to have my dreams of skinny thighs rot in my pantry as I eat Korean fried chicken and frozen dumplings. But this time, I was motivated. I’d bought brussel sprouts, see, and the one thing that can compel me to cook? The prospect of taking pictures of the world’s most adorable vegetable. (Are you kidding me? They look like tiny heads of lettuce. Who let these infant lettuces outside by themselves??) So I whipped up this little warm salad to hit all the major food groups (*cough* colors). And by whipped up, I mean it took me the better part of an hour and a half. What? I’m an amateur.
Brussel sprouts, halved (like…. a handful and a half), 1carrot, 1 bell pepper, quinoa/rice (3/4 cup cooked… ish), 3 strips bacon, handful of greens, 1 tbsp sriracha, salt, olive oil
Honestly I don’t know what order to do this in for chefly results, but this is the order I did it in:
- Start with the bacon, because at first you’ll think ‘ahh, what the hell, I’ll just eat bacon for dinner. Maybe on some toast.’ Cook in a frying pan, or some other fancy way I don’t know your life. After you finish, realize you should probably eat more than just bacon for dinner, but still eat around 1/4 of the first strip before guilt consumes you and you continue.
- Cut the stem bits off the brussel sprouts, then cut them in half. Toss them in a bowl with olive oil and salt, I had grapeseed oil, I honestly think it’s a conspiracy between oil companies because I can’t tell a bit of fucking difference. Then again, I eat at McDonald’s and I think this is a real recipe so. Put the brussel sprouts in the oven at 400 degrees for 20 minutes or so until they’re brown and tender. Or toss them in the frying pan until they’re brown and tender. Or put them on a bed of hot coals until they’re– yeah, ok. Right. You get it.
- Cut up the carrot and bell pepper, toss them in oil and salt, put them in the oven until they’re not-brown, but tender.
- Oh, right, ok. So. I had a half-quinoa, half-rice mixture already cooked and in my fridge, so if you don’t have that– do that now. You can also do just-quinoa, which is way more expensive, or just-rice, which is cheaper but not quite as impressive on Pinterest. Take the rice and mix with the Sriracha (to taste).
- Put everything in a bowl and mix it up. (Or, fancy: Put the greens down. Put the rice down. Put the brussel sprouts around the edge of the bowl like tiny lettuce guards, the carrots on one side, the bell peppers on the other side, and sprinkle the bacon on top. Take a picture. Then mix it all up.)
Ta da! And that is how I made my dinner tonight, then spent longer than it took to make it to write this post. I’m still full, and I only ate maybe 1/3 of the recipe, so if you didn’t eat three or four snacks beforehand, this is probable enough for one or two meals. I put the rest in the fridge, so here’s hoping it’s delicious second-day too, or I’m going to have to do this whole process again tomorrow. If that happens, I’ll probably just eat the bacon, but say I ate the healthy bits for internet points. Everybody wins!